Mark Steven Porro | Oct 3, 2024

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Mark, Steven Poirot here to speak with us today. Thanks for being here, Mark. Excited to chat with you. [00:00:04] Speaker B: I am as well. So let's, yeah, let's get going. [00:00:08] Speaker A: Perfect. So to start us off, why don't you tell us about yourself? Tell us your. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'll tell you the origin story in a nutshell. I grew up in a family of six in a little village. They called it the village of Ridgewood in New Jersey. And then both of my parents worked. My father was a chemist, mom was a proofreader for the largest newspaper in New Jersey at the time, the Bergen Record. And then I went to school at the Ohio State University and got a degree in industrial design. And then I caught the acting bug. I worked in the design business for a number of years. And then my mother, I have a chapter in my book called the Champion of Arts. My mother was really a good, loyal supporter of the art. So we went to, we lived about 20 miles outside of New York City. So we went into the city quite often to see, go to Broadway and go to the Radio city music hall, and we went to the world's fair and the Statue of Liberty and all the other fun things to do, cultural things to do in New York. And my mother loved the ballet. So I'm the fifth child, the third son, and got two older brothers, two older sisters, and they, except for my oldest brother, everybody got involved in the ballet, I think because my mom loved the ballet and I was probably the last guy to get involved. But it was fun. So we had a good, I guess, introduction to a lot of the arts. And so I performed at the ballet for a while. And then I retired around the age of ten, maybe eleven. But after designing for years, I caught the acting bug. So I moved out to Hollywood, 1984, and I had a design job waiting for me because I had a really good portfolio and I was fortunate enough to work for some really good design firms. So I wasn't this struggling actor looking at waiting tables and things like that. There's anything wrong with that. But I wanted to become a good actor. So I started studying from day one, and my goal was to get on a high quality show. And I really kind of focused on Hill street blues, which was one of the top shows at the time. And in less than two years, I got on Hill street blues. And that's how it all began. And then, so I did that for a while and I also kept designing and design. I designed it for a bunch of people in Hollywood. And then I had some regular clients also. So that kept me from starving in between acting jobs. And I think in 1997, I decided to. I started a lot of companies on the side, but one company I started to honor my dad, he invented a snack food he called nutri nuts. At the time, popcorn snack was actually a half popped popcorn. And his motivation was, I think, a fear of impending dental bills for his kids. That all had inherited his sweet tooth in various. Various, I guess, qualities or whatever. So he wanted to come up with something that was just as addictive as candy and junk food, but a little healthier. So he came up with this half pop process, and it remained a family secret for years. And then I got the bug to start. What I called one of my several non profit businesses was the Snack food company. With my dad's blessing, it became a nationwide brand. For a while, we were coast to coast, and we were snack of the day in the Rachel Ray show. And so that was very cool. So in between acting, I did a lot of work in the snack food business. And then the subject of our show here is in 2011, I got a call from my brother saying that our mother, who was living in the house we grew up in in New Jersey, just shut down and was non responsive. So she was kind of in a semi comatose state, and we kind of freaked out. So I flew home, and all the kids came in, and we had a priest deliver the last rites. Hospice was called. The doctor said cut off all foods and meds, and we were on death watch. Yeah. So that was tough. But after a few weeks, she snapped out of it. So I had a feeling at the time that it was really a cry for help, because at the time she was living in the house, she was still able to walk and function. But we had a family move in upstairs to oversee household duties and do the shopping and keep her company and cook and do laundry and things like that. And as time went on, they were there for a few years. They did not get along with my mother, and my mother did not like them. So there was a lot of friction in the house. It was easy to overlook it from the kids that did live nearby. So when we flew in, I would notice some of the friction. But my brother, who was close, kept an eye on everything, and it was at a level that wasn't really serious, I guess, for him. But my mother, I think, was very depressed with it all. And she just turned 89. And I think she kind of said, if this is going to be my life, I'm out of here. So she shut down and then probably four or five, maybe even like five weeks later, she snapped out of it. And so that kind of changed my life because at that point, I was a carefree bachelor having a good time in LA. I had no children, never was married. And other than my business and the occasional acting auditions, at that point, because I was kind of aging out of that business, I decided to become a first time parent because I think I. I thought my mother deserved better and I wanted to make sure her last years were as good as they could be. And the current situation was not good. So I decided to move back into my childhood home and take care of my mom. [00:06:23] Speaker A: Wow. That is. [00:06:25] Speaker B: That was more than a nutshell. Sorry. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that was great. That's a big change going from, like you mentioned, sort of starting businesses. You're an actor, you've got your great design jobs to taking care of your mother full time. [00:06:42] Speaker B: Yeah, well, my intent wasn't to do it full time yet, so I stayed with her for a number of weeks and worked with hospice. My younger sister and I hung out with hospice and learned as much as we could because we didn't know how long our mother was going to be with us, so we wanted to care for her as much as possible. So we learned how to change the diapers and do the sponge bathing and deal with any medical needs and then also change the bedding with the helpless patient in bed and stuff like that. I think my mom sensed that this was, life was getting better because she had her kids caring for her as well as the hospice people were pretty cool and very generous with sharing their knowledge and experience with us. So that was great. Yeah. So I stayed with her a few months when I felt she was getting better and hospice was going to be there for a few more months. I went back to LA, and then I came back in September 1 of my nephews was getting married at the Jersey shore. So I came back and assumed all the duties for mom again, took care of her for a couple weeks. And during that time, I really felt that, you know, this. I think I've got to step up because the people that were, I think, causing some of the problems were still in her life. They were still in the house. And so I asked my mom at that point, would she want me to come back and take care of her full time, and she said yes. So I made the decision to do it. And the decision was easy because I grew up in a very nurturing and loving home and I had a really good relationship with both of my parents and my siblings. And so the decision was easy, but I had to work out the logistics because I still had the business back in Laden, and so that took some time. So I didn't move back into the house until December. And then we tried to have part time caregivers because I needed to make some money. So I was doing some design work at my brother's office, redesigning his interiors and things like that. So we hired part time help, and then we looked to see if we could find a full time caregiver for at least during the day. And that was very difficult. To really find someone you can trust and rely on was not an easy task. So I have a chapter in the book called the Parade of AIds, and none of those worked out to be successful. So that's when I said, you know what? I can do this. And my mom trusts me, my siblings trust me, so I jumped in. That's when I started doing everything full time. So the 24/7 caregiving, I jumped in. [00:09:30] Speaker A: So 24/7 caregiving, what did you learn from that experience? [00:09:33] Speaker B: Well, unconditional love was the main thing, because not having children and never married, and so being the carefree bachelor, I could walk away from things if they weren't good, the relationship wasn't good, or the job wasn't good, things like that. But once I made this commitment, there was no walking away until mom decided, you know, her time was up. That was a big adjustment, because no matter how stressful this thing gets, mentally, physically, or emotionally, you gotta hang in there and do it. You know, I assumed that role, and I was gonna do it as best as I could. That was the main thing. [00:10:19] Speaker A: Wow. So you really had to rise to that challenge of not only having this huge lifestyle change, you moved across, moved across the country, and, you know, we're now kind of learning that selfless putting the needs of another person, you know, totally ahead of your own. [00:10:36] Speaker B: Yeah, well, part of that was just in my upbringing. You know, my dad's favorite pair was others. I always tried to put others before himself, and we grew up watching. Both my mom and dad set really good examples. They didn't lecture a lot, but we just watched what they did. And they were good people. They were good to other people. My mother especially was good to pets. She was amazing. And so we learned a lot about how to take care of pets early on with every kind of furry animal you could have in a home. At first there were cats, and then we had mice and rats and guinea pigs and hamsters. And one time an opossum and then dogs. So that was a lovely lesson because we watched kittens being born and how to take care of them if the mother wasn't, I guess, ready, which was very interesting. Even my brother told this story because he's six years older. Mom brought back two mice. Now, we had, at that time, probably about a half dozen cats. So she brought two mice, a black one and a white one for Michael. And we thought that was interesting, bringing those mice into enemy territory. But the cats were all very well behaved. I'm not sure if, you know, somebody told them what to do, but no one tried to eat these guys. And after a couple years, I think their lifespan is about two years. And salt, the white one was the female, and it looked like she was ready to go, and my mother wouldn't have it. And so Michael and he said he watched our mother stay up all night trying to nurse this mouse back to health. And she did. And that mouse lived a few more, I guess, mice lives. It was very interesting. But that was his first experience watching mom care for the tiniest pet or the tiniest family member at that point. And it was made a huge impact on him. And when he told me that story, I wrote a chapter about it in the book, because later on, we all, of course, saw how much mom cared for things. So it was not a big deal, really, for me to say, this is what I need to do. And what was great about it. I think my motto is, I've had a pretty adventurous life. So my motto is, find the joy. So no matter what adventure I go into, I try to focus on grabbing hold of the positive parts of that, whether it's moving to France kind of on a whim or taking a new job or starting a new business or dropping everything. And taking care of my mom is to find the joy in it. So it can be a very stressful job. But my goal was to make her laugh at least once a day. When you can get your mom, who went from her deathbed to smiling and laughing with you, that's a pretty cool motivation. And so we had some tough times, but we had. Both parents were pretty funny people, and luckily, they passed that on to us. And so she made me laugh quite a bit as well. [00:13:47] Speaker A: So the find the joy. Walk me through where the origin of that is. I love that as sort of a general philosophy of life. Right. It kind of acknowledges that there are going to be things that happen to you that, you know, you have control over and things that happen to you that you really don't have a ton of influence over. But you can influence how you react to those things that happen. [00:14:10] Speaker B: Right. You know, I have to really think about. I don't know where that came from, but I've had it in me. I think most people that know me say, yeah, he's a pretty positive, happy guy. You know, there's so much crap in the world. You know, it's easy to focus on that or the negative things because it's easy. It's easy to get angry. It's not so easy to make, you know, to laugh and make someone else laugh. It actually is if you. If you think about it. But I have to say, I'll tell you one experience, and maybe that was part of the origin. So I was visiting a friend's design firm, and it was in a busy area of Los Angeles, but right bordering a residential area. So I was at the main table near the front of the office, and vendors, printers, and typesetters and things like that, your business. So they would bring sometimes elaborate chocolates and lunches and things like that. So that particular day, there was a huge box of chocolate standing at this table. And all of a sudden, this very angry older woman burst through the front door, screaming at the top of her lungs that somebody blocked her driveway once again. And everybody in the office except for the receptionist scattered, because this has happened before. And I just thought, you know, first of all, I'm a visitor, so I had really nothing to lose. And I just said, I've got to change this situation. And so I said, madam, would you like a piece of chocolate? And I held the box up to her, and I kind of did it as a joke, but I had to break that tension because it was not pleasant. And she looked at me and smiled and said, oh, I would love to, but I need to watch my weight. And I said, lady, I'm looking at you, and you look fine to me. Please have a piece of chocolate. And she took a piece and floated out of that office, and then everybody came back, and they started applauding, and I said, no. I said, this is, first of all, don't park in front of this lady's driveway anymore. This is your fault, not her fault, okay? But that's how you handle a situation like that. I said, you can't, don't. Don't escalate it by getting, you know, facing her anger with more anger and stuff like that. So what I initially did, kind of as a joke, I learned a great lesson from that. So. And I've done things like that before. One time, I cut somebody off. I think I just came back from Italy. So I had the Italian going, and I cut somebody off in their universal studios. Hello, puppy. Okay. So I cut this guy off, and it was my fault. And he rolls down his window, and he starts screaming at me. And I roll down my window. I look at him. I say, I'm a pazzo. I'm a pazzo. So sorry. And he had nothing. He could do nothing but smile and drive away because I just said, yes, it's my fault. I am so sorry. I could have given it, you know, flipped the bird or whatever. Again, that would have just escalated the situation. But it's like, hey, it's okay. So self deprecation really works, and it helps, but if you can make somebody smile. There's times with my mom, there's so much. I guess I got more out of it than I think that she did. But if I could get her to smile, and she would smile. And she loved kisses, so she would always puck her up for a kiss. And that was, like, all the reward I needed, you know? And it was. It was good. And then she made me laugh quite a bit. She was. She was a wacky. She was a bit wacky. But one day, she asked me, why are you treating me so well? And I said, because you're my mother and I love you, and you deserve to be treated like a queen. And then she burped, and I said, but queens don't do that. And she said, how do you know? I said, perfect, because I'm sure queens, of course, they burp, just not in public. And then also, out of the six kids, I'm the only one that's wiping my mother's butt for several times a day. And in the beginning, I'm the only one whose name she couldn't remember. And again, she had a good sense of humor. So this one morning, I went in, and she looked at me, kind of not sure what was going on. She says, now, what is it? I call you? And I said, you're kidding, right? She says, no. And I said, name your kids. And she says, laurel, michael, carol, david, deesy. I said, end. And she was stumped. And I said, mark. She goes, oh, Mark. Mark with a k. And I said, yes, mark with a k. Your favorite son. And she says, I don't have favorites. I said, well, you have a favorite to forget. So I have a chapter in the book. Does wiping butt cause amnesia? And I believe I proved that. In fact, it does. So eventually, I put a visual aid to help her, I taped my. My name block letters up on the ceiling, because she'd be lying in bed when I woke her up in the morning, and she'd look up and go, hi, Mar. So she was very happy. So. And then eventually, she remembered who I was. That was kind of fun. But again, something like that, you can't take it personally because she didn't mean anything by. She did suffer from a little bit of dementia. They're still your parent or your mother or your loved one, and they still deserve respect and dignity, and they're going to be slower than they were before. They may not remember your name and stuff like that, and you just got to kind of roll with the punches again. You focus on what you're trying to do for them, not what you're trying to get from them. So it's. Let's say it would be easy to get, I guess, insulted or angry with that. But you say, what? No, it's no big deal. [00:20:00] Speaker A: So it sounds like your mother has been a massive influence on your life. And you mentioned the book. I would love to hear more about the book and the genesis of it, how you were inspired to start writing and everything. [00:20:15] Speaker B: Well, I always liked recording family history. I think from a pretty early age, I was a pretty curious kid. Both of my parents grew up. They were part of that generation where they didn't talk about their feelings or pain or emotions or anything like that. So I kept asking them questions. I was very curious about their personal lives, their marriage, because sometimes there was a lot of tension in the house. And I got both of them, I guess, independently, to break down and really open up about things, which was great. So I had a really good relationship, an open relationship with both of them. So that made this job easier with my dad. My dad passed 14 years earlier than when I jumped in for mom. And we only had eight days together before he passed, but I spent almost all that with him. And we talked and talked and talked, and before that, we had a really good relationship. We had some trouble in my teen years and stuff like that. Once I became, let's say, an adult, he was more of. I mean, he was still my father and my hero and stuff, but I saw him as a human being because he shared a lot of things with me, and it was like we became friends, and that was very cool. So with mom, same kind of stuff, you know, when she came out, she had a. So she worked full time. She worked a graveyard shift at the paper, but once a week, she would treat herself to a trip to the beauty salon. She had beautiful, natural nails. She was a hand model back in her late, late teens and early twenties, so she had beautiful, long nails and loved to take care of those, but with the working and with all the kids. So she went to the salon once a week. That was her treat. So she got a shampoo and said and had her nails done, and I would go with her when I was a kid once in a while. And so I would get my nerve up and ask her if I could paint her nails and things like that. And then when she came out to visit me in LA, I would take her to my friend's salon in Beverly Hills for the movie star treatment, which was very cool. And she got a big kick out of that. So when I took over for her, she had drab clothing, and I don't think she looked her best. And so I wanted to return some dignity, not only to her, but also the environment. So the first thing I wanted to do is buy her a new wardrobe, because she had these old tattered day dresses and stuff like that. And I said, I don't want my mom looking like an old lady. So I went out and bought a new wardrobe. And if you want to make a woman smile at any age, a new wardrobe kind of does it. And then I created a thing called day of beauty, or I called it that. And normally, I gave her a sponge bath in the morning and evenings, so she got two sponge baths a day. But on this day of beauty, which we did on the weekend, while she sat on the commode, I would give her soak her feet in epsom salts, and I would shampoo her hair. And then when she finished on the commode, I would give her a full body massage. Attend again to any medical needs. She got a new diaper and a new wardrobe. And then I blow dried her hair and put it in a ponytail, or for bonus points, I would braid it. And a lot of that came out of growing up with three sisters with long hair really helped. And then I would do her nails and finish it off with some bright red lipstick. And when I first did this, I thought, oh, that's a nice gesture, because I don't know the last time she was at the beauty salon, but I put her in the wheelchair when she was done and rolled her, and I would roll her into the kitchen for breakfast. And when we passed the dining room, we had a big mirror in the dining room, and I parked her in front of that mirror and leaned in and whispered in her ear and said, who's that pretty girl? And she just beamed. And it was lovely to see. And I don't know when the last time she even looked in the mirror, and I don't know when the last time she looked in the mirror like, what she saw, but whatever she saw that day, she loved. And it was infectious because everybody who saw her noticed that she's now, like, glowing, and it was lovely. And that had a profound effect on me. Again, I just tried to do what I thought would be a nice gesture, and it was a huge deal. So every morning, I parked her in front of that mirror and just said, who's that pretty girl? She's like. And then, so she slept a lot. Again, she's like a child. So she slept many hours during the day. So I decided that I get to renovate the house while I'm there. It wasn't the nice, warm, welcoming home that I grew up in, and so it needed some work. So I started with the basement, because that was an absolute disaster and slowly worked our way up. But it was funny, while I was doing the basement, mom would sit in the living room watching the animal planet on the tv, and she would see me passing by with materials and two by fours and stuff. And this went on again with the dementia. Almost every day, the same conversation. I'd be walking by after going to Home Depot and she'd say, what is going on? And I said, well, I'm renovating your house. I'm making your house beautiful. Again. She goes, well, who is paying for all that? I said, you are, so you better cheer up because you may have to go back to work. And we had that almost every day, this conversation, until she got it. So when I finished the upstairs, we had a bathroom that was suited, designed for three boys and three girls. So we had the boys side, the girls side. And so I opened that up and made it one big bathroom. And I put a huge bathtub in there and a shower, but the bathtub was nice. And I said, well, mom, would you like a bubble bath? You want to christen the new bathroom? So she said, yes. And so I carried her up there and I gave her a bubble bath and shot a picture of her again, beaming in the. Amidst the bubbles. And then she passes out the tub, and I'm like, oh, great. I want to do a nice thing, and I kill my mom. But at least she smelled good. So I pulled her out of the tub and carried her downstairs again, put her to bed, and called the nurse, and they said that the hot water lowered her blood pressure, so she fainted. So she woke up about a half hour later and she was fine. And she remembered the new bathroom, but she didn't remember passing out. So it was a win win for me. But that was her last bath, so I don't know when she last had a, you know, a bath, but that was going to be the last bubble bath for mom. I didn't know how I was going to explain that to my siblings. Oh, by the way, mom had a bubble bath and she's a goner, so. [00:27:22] Speaker A: And so you said that you're a designer. That's interior design. [00:27:26] Speaker B: No, well, actually graphic design, but, you know, I grew up building furniture and carving and I. And then in the industrial design program, you dabble in product design, interior design. So I have a pretty good eye. Growing up, I had a pretty, I guess, pretty good eye and stuff like that. And the design, you just kind of refine it. So, yeah, I would say my main focus is the graphic design now. Well, now I'm officially retired, but websites and, and corporate branding and all that kind of stuff was my main thing. [00:28:03] Speaker A: Gotcha. And so the decision to, you know, re renovate and redesign your mom's house, what was your approach there? I mean, what did you use for inspiration and for figuring out how you could find the joy? [00:28:19] Speaker B: Well, you know that if you saw the house, there was no joy in that house or it was buried deep in the basement. So, again, it was, you know, I had a lot of experience doing this. I renovated a lot of places, and I also built my factory in LA. And I worked with a guy that was a crazy construction guy, but very knowledgeable. So I put up with his abuse for a year and a half and learned a ton of stuff. So I could renovate almost anything after that. So taking on the mom's house with the, you know, the electrical, the plumbing, all that stuff was, was fine. That was like second nature at that point, so. And I. I involved mom in all the decisions I wanted, wanted her to know what we were doing, so we had a lot of fun with that, too. So, as you know, the paint colors on the walls and stuff like that. But there was one day where I, um, the basement was finished except for the carpet. And so I wanted her to. To make it, to choose the carpet. So I put two, three by three carpet samples on her breakfast tray, and I went in to refill her sippy cup, and when I came back, she had one of the samples in her mouth and a scowl on her face. And I said, what's going on? She goes, this is not a cookie. And I said, I know, mom, it's a carpet sample. Which one tastes better? And she chose well. So it was, again, you try to have as much fun as you can doing this stuff, but. And then when we, when I was finished on the first floor, I would take her down to the basement and, and she just loved it, you know? And then each, each, as the, the house progressed, you know, again, the bubble bath, the second floor was the, the last part, so. Yeah. [00:30:08] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I can hear the joy as you're telling these stories about your time with your mom. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Yeah. What's also cool about renovating the house again? I think I was not the only one because of these people that were there, and the house was not in great shape. It was not really a welcoming, inviting home anymore. So as I renovated, friends and relatives started visiting a lot more. I mean, not only was mom happy and looking good in her new wardrobe, but the house was, was great. And we ended up having our Thanksgiving and Easter and Christmas dinners at the house again. Again, I don't know when the last. And birthdays. Birthdays were a big deal in our family, where they were really family affairs. We didn't have any of these big, crazy parties. We did try a few of those, but mainly they were quiet family affairs. And so we returned those back. So we celebrated three more birthdays with mom in her house, and it was lovely and Thanksgiving. So I got all the siblings to come back and with their families and had Thanksgiving dinner and Easter and all that stuff. So it was really a cool thing. And for mom to sit and look at all those, her family enjoying the home again was lovely. And if you need any kind of motivation, just to look on her face was great. So, yeah, it was fun. And a lot of that just, again, I thought it was just a good thing, nice thing to do, no big deal. But a lot of that came out of my upbringing. Do the right thing and do what you can to make other people's lives better and stuff like that. [00:31:58] Speaker A: I'm hearing a lot about family and that being very important, a strong value driver, a strong driver of joy for you. I'm curious, what made you decide to move to the south of France? I'm guessing the rest of your family did not move with you. [00:32:16] Speaker B: No. Again. Well, you know, we're all pretty independent and stuff, so. I had an ex girlfriend, always wanted to retire in the south of France, so she put the bug in my ear, and the first time I came I've been to Italy. I took my dad to the little village where his father came from and that was cool. I felt very comfortable in Italy because I talk a lot with my hands. Anyway, I fit right in. But I actually felt even more comfortable in France. So the first time we came, we spent a week in Provence with french friends that she knew up in Paris. They came down with us and then we spent a week in Paris at their place. And that was my introduction and it was lovely. And we have French on my mom's side. My mom's grandmother married a frenchman and I don't know if she ever lived here, but so we have French on my mom's side, and I think it must have been my french ancestors did something because I just, it was lovely. And the next year I came back and then also went to Italy because we were looking at maybe someplace to invest in as a vacation home. And then the next year she found a house that she liked online that was close to where I live now and said she wanted to go check it out. And I said, at that point, my mom had passed and I finished renovating the house. We're about to put the family home on the market. So I said, I'll come over there with you if you want. We were no longer a couple at that point, but I said, if you want, we can do this as a business thing. You vacation when you want, I go when I want. In the meantime, in the middle, we'll rent it out. And we spent five days in this village. It's a little village, it's called pezenas. It's a little village of about 8500 people and it's very artsy and just, it's 16th century. The apartment that I'm in that I bought is built in 1540. And the history here, cobblestone streets and it's just really, really cool. And the people are lovely. They keep apologizing for their bedding. English and because I never expected to live here, so my french is terrible. It's still terrible. After a number of years, we'll keep that quiet. And it was lovely. And then I went looking around for apartments because that original place didn't work out. And as soon as I stepped into this house, I said, that's it. And I've done a lot of work in it. It didn't look this good, so. And it's been lovely. So this is where I write, this is where I wrote the book. This is the main room. There's two bathrooms and two bedrooms, stuff like that. But this is like the living room kitchen area, and it's just very cool. And they say Moliere was born in this village, and it's got a lot of political and architectural history, and there's a ton of artists and craftspeople here, just very artsy and very theatrical. So it rings all the bells for me. But also, it's a great place just to sit and be quiet and reflect. And that's what I needed to do this book. So while I was doing this taking care of mom, I did take lots of notes, because, again, I like to record family history, and I wanted to. We had just some lovely conversations and really lovely moments that I didn't want the rest of the family to miss out on. So I recorded these things, also took lots of pictures and videos. While I was doing this, one of my friends was dealing with her father and going through a similar situation. So I shared some of my. Some of the tips and tricks that I learned from hospice and from my experience and what was working. And I don't think I mentioned the bubble bath, but she seemed to get some benefit out of it. And I said, you know, I think I got something here. So I think a book is going to be the best way to get it out there. And I decided that memoir was going to be. I didn't want to make it a how to book. I wanted to make it fun and add some fun stories. And so I call it a what I did book. And so memoir, I didn't know anything about. I wrote screenplays and jokes and short films and things like that in Hollywood. But this would be my first book. So I studied the genre and had a good memoir teacher, and then did a few drafts and had independent editor look at it and give me some good notes. And then I found a publisher. So that was great. So the publisher was. I had actually a couple publishers interested, but one was really focused on the quality as opposed to the other one really wanted to get it out to the market. And I said, no, no, I want this to be good. And so I worked with two editors. It was the publisher, and it was released on Mother's Day last year. And it's doing great. The sales are good. The publisher's happy with the sales. I'm not. I want millions sold. But the reviews from critics and readers have been lovely. It's won ten literary awards so far. There's a couple others that will hopefully come in. So it's. Yeah, it's very nice. So I was very lucky to get a publisher because boy, to get a pub. I mean, now everybody can self publish, but I really wanted to get a real publisher to go the traditional route, and they worked out great. So we'll see the notes I've been getting from people, and some of the reviews have just been really humbling and stuff. So it is something that a lot of us, especially baby boomers, are going to have to deal with, if they haven't already, because we're living longer. [00:38:11] Speaker A: That's true. [00:38:11] Speaker B: And it's going to be a crisis. [00:38:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So I've always been curious. When people write a book, it's one of those things that, you know, a lot of people think about. I've thought about, you know, do I want to write a book? And it sounds a lot easier than when you actually sit down to try to write a book, and especially with, with a memoir. Right. I feel like there's a lot of you that you lay out on the line, a lot of, you know, personal reflection. What was your process for writing? How did you deal with it? When you, when you have writer's blog or when you felt unmotivated, how did you break through those things? [00:38:45] Speaker B: Well, I had, I had a lot of those notes, and I'm a pretty emotional guy, so I couldn't write some of this stuff. Even when years later, when I was trying to write, I would break down and I would say, thank God I'm alone, because this is embarrassing. So I'm kind of a SAP, but. So I would, when inspiration hit me, I would at least jot down a note, say, oh, I don't want to forget that. So it's a quick note just to remember. And what was very cool about this was I have a pretty good memory, but once you open a door, all these other doors start opening. Memories just started flooding in. It was great. Some good, some not so good, but so I had, let's say, our journey pretty well mapped out, but that was going to be boring to do something chronologically. They say, okay, day this, then the next day, did this and that, stuff like that. So I knew I needed to infuse it with some backstory. And the early drafts, I tried to keep me out of it as much as possible, but my first editor, who actually was my memoir teacher, she was great. She said, we need to know who's telling the stories. We need to know we can rely on this narrator. And I'm like, I was trying to keep myself out of it, so I had to put more into it. So I bounce around with stories, early stories of mom and dad and then me and then stories that I thought were relevant to whatever was in the current story. So let's say if I did this particular thing or my mom and I had this kind of day, what in the past helped make me do that or something like that. So that was, the structure of it was very difficult. And so I needed fresh eyes to look at that because I was having a tough time with it. But coming up with the stories and stuff was not difficult at all. In fact, I think on the last draft, I cut out probably at least 4000 words, and I said that these are more appropriate for the next book. The next book is going to focus more on my dad, which I have been writing, and now I haven't. I sat down to really write for a while, and because I've been marketing this book like crazy. And so that's been taking most of my time. But I said I have a goal to get the next book, at least the initial draft, out by the end of the year. And so I'm sitting down and you go, oh, this stuff is hard. It's really hard, but it's fun. But you really have to shut out everything and focus on it, and then it starts flowing. And what I love about it, it just, when it goes, it's lovely. And so I don't know about writer's block. There's always something to do because this next book, let's say it's, instead of three books, I decided to make one book because they all focus on my dad. And so if I get run out of, let's say, if you want to say writer's block, on one part of the story, I can bounce to the other two parts and I just be recharged and jump into those things. So. Yeah, but it's interesting. Once I get going, I love it. And then you don't sleep and you just go till you get to a certain point or your eyes are completely gone or something. So. But it's really fun. I really enjoy it. And what helps is certainly that the response for the first one has been really nice. So, yeah, it gives you, I guess, more confident and joy, especially when people say, hey, what's next? So that's a nice feather in the cap, I guess. [00:42:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, congrats on the first book. It sounds like it's been received incredibly well. And hearing you talk about it, I'm very excited to read it and very excited then to hopefully follow up relatively quickly with that second book. [00:42:43] Speaker B: Well, not quick, if I get that. Yeah, it may be at least a year or so. I mean, I'll get it out, but once I start working with the, if I work with the same editors, it's going to be at least probably a year of going back and forth. Because, again, I want, now that, you know, I've got a pretty good reputation now, so I don't want to ruin it by saying, oh, this follow up is terrible. So I want the quality to be the same. The humor will be in there, of course, and I think the voice is going to be pretty much the same. And that's what people seem to be gravitating towards. So we'll see. We'll see what happens. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:20] Speaker A: Now you got something to live up to. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Yeah. And they go, it's like, you know, the lady who wrote eat, pray, love, you know, she's funny because she'll say, you know, she never expected that thing to be that, you know, she wrote a memoir. And so, you know, she said the pressure on her for the follow up book was just tremendous. And she goes, oh, you know, because this freak thing happened with my first book, and now it's like, oh, my gosh. So she's got, and I don't think, I think she's even admitted, I don't think she's lived up to it. I mean, the quality is probably good, but, you know, she had lightning at a bottle, you know, and so, yeah, we'll see. Luckily, I didn't have, I don't have that pressure on me, but, yeah, you hope for it. I guess so, yeah. [00:44:10] Speaker A: Well, best of luck to you as you, as you work on that, that second book. Again, very excited to read it and see where it goes. And I wanted to thank you for, for speaking with us today and for telling us your story. It's been an absolute joy speaking with you. [00:44:26] Speaker B: Well, thank you very much. I want to say these things are a gift to me because when I get to share my story about my mom, it keeps her in the present. And so that's, yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a good thing for me. And I think mom's smiling, so that's kind of fun. So I appreciate that opportunity. [00:44:50] Speaker A: And for any of our listeners who would like to read your book, what is the title? [00:44:55] Speaker B: It's called a cup of Tea on the commode. Okay. And so that came out of, you know, after this incident, my mom no longer walked. And so we had a commode, a bedside, and sometimes Mother Nature took a little longer than was comfortable for either one of us. So one day, again, kind of as a joke, I said, hey, would you like a cup of tea? And that was her favorite beverage, hot tea, skim milk, no sugar. And she said, sure. And so while she was sitting on the commode, she had a lovely cup of tea to became a hit, and that became a staple on the morning menu. So, yeah, so it was good. Catchy title. [00:45:37] Speaker A: Absolutely perfect. Well, thank you so much for your time, Mark. [00:45:41] Speaker B: Thank you, Jordan. It was, again, a pleasure. [00:45:44] Speaker A: Likewise.