Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Thank you again for the hour. Right before this started, you were talking about starting your documentary. Could you just take me through the emotional rollercoaster it must take to conceptualize something and then have it on a big screen.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Okay.
It's kind of a this LA. I've been doing this documentary started filming in April. So we're looking at about five months. We're going through the editing process. I have no technical skills at all. So my partner that we partnered and did this together, that's his expertise. So all my film, all that four or five months of filming is in his hands and his editing teams, which is unnerving to me because now I have no say. Right. I'm, quote, the talent for lack of and not a great talent, but just the talent for this. And he's doing it. So to see it come all the way to the end has been kind of surreal, because in the United States border Patrol, I did 24 years in San Diego, and I worked San Diego, the eastern corridor of California, and all of Arizona. And I always wanted to do a documentary on the border because I found it fascinating. I found it maddening to be in law enforcement, federal law enforcement, with the political structure around it. Law enforcement guys are very black and white, and we don't like to live in the gray area because gray area is very, very difficult to live in, especially when there's people's lives at risk and taking people's freedoms. We don't like that gray area. However, if I'm very honest, I would say the vast majority of law enforcement is spent in the gray area because it's people's lives, and it's very fluid. So I always wanted to do this, but I never could find anyone that I fully aligned with, and I couldn't do anything until I retired because it would have been a nexus against my career. So I've been retired for about three years, and my partner, Ryan Matta, found me on a podcast and talking about the border, and I wrote a book called Invaded, and I was promoting that, and then I decided, hey, he called me out of the blue. Just out of the blue. Never met him in my life. I said, hey, can I get a Zoom call with you? And I want to pitch you an idea. And he pitched it to me, and I said, okay, tell me what you envision this to be. And he told me exactly what I wanted, like my vision. And I was like, okay, this is. And it was wild because we just said, okay, let's do it. Here's. Here's a boilerplate contract 50 50. Let's go. And then we were off.
[00:02:42] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:02:43] Speaker B: And that's not really like me. I'm more diligent and more methodical, and I was just like, nope, this is right. Let's go. And then before I knew it, we were on a plane flying all across America, filming. I went to, like, twelve states, 25 cities, four and a half, five months, and to see parts of the documentary, he'll show me a little bit of it, say, okay, this is where I'm going. I'm really blown away to see it. And. Which is gonna be very nerve wracking for me, is I do my. This is my first documentary, right? So we're going to a film festival in Texas outside of Dallas on September 13. I won't see the final version about September 10, September 11. So there's nothing I can do. If I don't like it, it's like, I'm gonna have to go, oh, my gosh. But I think. I think I'm gonna love it. I love his vision, his artistic ideas of what he wants to do.
So I'm very excited to see it. I'm very. I will be very honest. I'm very anxious, and I'm very nervous because, you know, like, if I write a book or I go on a tv show or I do a painting or I do an artwork, meaning a film, I'm very vulnerable to absolutely ridicule, humiliation, criticism. But one thing that I try to do, I have regret in my life just because I'm 55, and I just have regret. And one of the things I always try to do is minimize that regret. I know there's always going to be a regret in life. That's just life, but I want to minimize it. Meaning I'm not going to not do something because I'm afraid of failure. I would rather be 80 years old and dying and be thinking, man, you tried, and not be the other way and go, God, why didn't I try that? Right? Because ultimately, I don't really care what anybody thinks. I'm past. I never really cared in high school and college, so why would I now? As long as my wife loves and respects me and my son and respects me, I don't really need much else. And so that's. That's when you ask it a long way, that's. That's what I'm waiting to see, that final version.
And I have a lot of prayers and anxiety about it.
[00:05:15] Speaker A: I can hear your passion, and I can also just hear the dream like it I mean, let me know what if I'm wrong or if I'm overstepping, but it just sounds like you're someone who's had this vision for a really long time and held it, like, close to your chest, and then just by fate and chance, you're now able to, like, truly live it and truly go for it. And so, I mean, that is really cool. Not many people can even say that they're doing that, so that is very cool. I just. That's really cool.
[00:05:46] Speaker B: No, thank you. And I think you're absolutely 100% right. That's why maybe I think. I think I thought about this a lot. My wife was actually talking to me last night, just saying, you know, this is a passion project, but it's a project that I feel is incredibly important in today's world. And we have to more christian, and we. I have to give it over to God to allow him to take it, but. And I've been thinking about it a lot. Why have. Do I have so much anxiety? Because I'm not an anxious man at all. Like, at all. And I have some anxiety. I don't know if anxiety is the right word. Maybe. Maybe, uh. I don't know the right adjective, but maybe I can describe it in this way that you, like you said, I'm so close.
I'm so close to being successful in. In a world that I was never successful in. I never was in, right? I never was in this world. I have been in. I've done tv. Like, I've been on the amazing race and things like that. And my wife was an actress, so I was on. On shows, but I wasn't in that world, right? I was just, like, an outsider. But I've been in law enforcement for so long, and now I'm in this new, like, absolutely new world, and I'm not fearful of it. It's just I'm new. I'm new, and I'm trying to. I want to be an expert. I want to be a 24 year veteran like I was in the border patrol, but I'm a one year nugget in this world trying to figure this out, right? So my world is going fast.
It's funny what you pray for, and you ask God, and you get on your knees and you beg him for, and he gives it to you, and you have to be ready to respond. And then the last thing is to never complain about it. So I'm not complaining that my world's spinning because I prayed for it. I asked for it. It's just sometimes it's just a lot, and you just gotta take a deep breath, and what's gonna be is what's gonna be right. I really don't have much control in life except to wake up, try hard, and do the best I can, and then everything kind of falls in place or not in place, because that's life.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: And that's so true.
It's funny you say that, because you're right. Like, you are so close, and so there's something about being on the edge of seeing something that you've only. That hasn't existed yet, existential, that just naturally brings about those feelings. I also like the topic of control is really interesting, too, because, as you said, you have so much experience in your field and your profession. So to give up that control to somebody else in multiple different ways, like, you're giving up your control of your expertise, you're giving up the final vision because you don't have a say until the end. How are you navigating that?
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Prayer. And I'm not the greatest prayer guy because I hate asking God for things that are. They're superficial in a way. Right? Like, my sister just passed away last week with a long battle of cancer, so it kind of doesn't. It doesn't make sense to ask for, hey, I really want this movie to be great. And I, you know, I want this, not the fame. I don't care about the fame or the money or I don't want to. I want a voice. I want a platform, and I want a voice.
So I struggle with asking for not superficial things because it's not superficial.
Because God put me on earth for a specific reason, multiple reasons. As you grow, it changes, right? As you get older, it changes. Now, I'm a father, things change.
So how do I deal with it?
The real only way is I just put my head down. I grind. So I do interviews like this. I go on not like this. And it's very refreshing, I want to tell you, because what I am, I do anywhere from ten to 2025, interviews a week now promoting a documentary in my book.
I am an expert on immigration, illegal immigration, child sex trafficking. So it's very heavy, right? It's very heavy. So this is a very great opportunity just to speak about something not heavy, right? So thank you very much for that. So, I mean, I just got done talking about child sex trafficking, and sometimes I just want to run away, right?
So to be able to do this is great, but how. The best way for me to deal with it is I just have to, I have to let go. And it's hard because I want to have some control over my life. But I knew this time was coming when I had to give away.
In order to gain something, you have to give away. You have to be vulnerable. So I'm giving away my likeness, my voice, and entrusting someone that has the potential, I don't know if it's going to, but has the potential to, especially in the social media world, reach out and touch millions of people. So I don't want millions of people to think I'm an idiot. So I want millions of people to think that, hey, that's articulate, smart guy. So maybe that's where some of the anxiety comes in.
But ultimately, I just don't want any regret. I want to minimize the regret in.
[00:11:15] Speaker A: My life just because you mentioned it and that, first off, thank you. I do appreciate it because you mentioned, you mentioned that. Yeah. Your world or your expertise is so heavy. You're right. And I can only imagine the emotional labor that you have to go through, not just the mental and physical of, like, showing up to work and, like, physically doing this, but like, the mental and spiritual effort that you have to exert to relate to. There's just the, it feels as if, and please let me know if I'm wrong, that there's a lot of work in just that. That being said, how did you, how did you refresh yourself? Like, how do you balance that with, like, with breaks or with play? Like, how did both, how did your life and that life coexist?
[00:12:01] Speaker B: You know, that it's, it's when I look back on my career. So I was a journeyman agent on the border in Tijuana. And then I became a supervisor and ran ATV units. And then I created a maritime narcotic and human smuggling unit. Had about 60 men under my control. And then I rose up the ranks. So I've kind of seen and lived that world of desperation, hopelessness, human degradation.
It really makes you question a lot.
[00:12:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:37] Speaker B: So when I'm not talking about the, the administrative average, police officer, law enforcement, I'm talking about guys that run task forces that been in the thick of it and fight people and shoot people and all of that stuff that happens. So it has an effect on you.
And I will say this, and I'll have to admit it out loud, on the border is a place that is hopeless. It's hopeless. And the human, it's a power structure of the strong devour the weak, be it the smugglers devouring the people they're smuggling me, getting beat up or beating up smugglers, narcotic and human smugglers and gang members.
In this sick world, I thrived.
I was very, very good at being in that world. And I know that that says a great deal about me. Good and bad and maybe more bad.
But God created me this way. I'm a physically big guy like my father, and I did things in the dark at night that I will never apologize for. Never. Because I had to do it in order to make people that want to kill and harm Americans and make them submit to me to be able to put handcuffs on.
That being said, that world colliding now in this new world where I really haven't escaped that degradation, right?
And in that, because of that degradation that I was in, I became extremely desensitized to all of it.
All of it. The only thing that made me, like, snap to was anytime that I arrested and had to just talk to a pedophile, somebody that was a child rapist. And that would just send me over the edge where it just made me irate. So now I come into this world where I'm doing books and podcasts and now documentaries.
But I didn't escape that world. I went into another world. But I drug that mindset over, because not only now did I live it for 24 years now I'm validating my beliefs because I'm going out and documenting what I have said and live. And now I'm putting it on film, saying what I lived in, what I did. This is happening today, for example, child sex trafficking.
I was supposed to do one documentary, but we filmed hundreds of hours.
And we actually, child sex trafficking in America became so huge, we uncovered so much. I know you can see it in the news today, that we had to create two documentaries out of one, one solely on child sex trafficking. So I have this desensitization of the horribles of humanity. And now I'm filming the horribles of humanity and documenting and validating everything that I have believed.
And I found. I'll be very, if I may be, many things that somebody will say. But one thing that no one could ever say about me is I am always honest and I'm always forthright. So everything I tell you is not thought out or contrived. It's just how I feel. This is just who I am.
For the first, I want to say probably for the first half of the four to five months of filming these documentaries. At the time, I only thought it was one.
It was very hard because I would leave my world with my son, who I love, with he's 13 years old, and my wife, who I love and have a nice home and a beautiful neighborhood, blah, blah, blah. And then I would fly in to inner cities and drug problems and the border and the child sex trafficking, the child sex trafficking and the child sex trafficking and more child sex trafficking that I would fly home. And this happened every time. I'd be flying home in the airplane, pitch dark, getting in at 1112 o'clock at night, and I would think, what the hell did I just see?
How in the hell am I going to articulate this? Then somewhere in that first two months, it was really, how am I. I need to get this out of my head like it's rattling in my brain. I can't go into my home. And I was very good in my 24 years. When I walked in that door, everything was off. I don't need it. It's back in the closet. I'll pick it up when I got to go to duty tomorrow. But now I had to make sure, hey, I can't, can't bring this back. And then something.
I don't, I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's good or not. I still haven't figured this out. Somewhere about month three of doing this, I became completely desensitized to it. And maybe it's because I'm talking about it so much, but I don't, it doesn't register. So I'm talking about children. Like my documentary is about the southern border and the intentionality of it and 30 million people coming into America in four years and the devastation, destruction of what's happening to America. And that could be debatable. Someone's debate me, that's fine. But this is what, this is my belief and this is what I'm documentary.
But as the child sex trafficking came, I just kind of, I talk about it. I have to talk about young children being sexually raped by adults like five to 20 times a day and then the organ harvesting of the children. It's a prominent business now in America, in the world, but in America.
So how, I think it's just maybe a defense mechanism. Maybe it's God, the way he created me. Like I said, I think it could be very good, but I think it could also be very bad in a characteristic way that it doesn't affect me.
Does that sound crazy to you?
[00:19:39] Speaker A: No, it doesn't. If anything, it's very uniquely human. I mean, you can, like an example is Covid, right? Like, we had millions, millions of people dying, some thousands a day. We had a 911 a day in deaths during Covid-19 and at a point you just get used to it. Same thing with school shootings. I mean, when san, I was a, I was in high school when Sandy happened, and my, I remember my dad talking to me about how he was going to talk to my baby brother. It was like four or five at the time about kids his age getting shot at school and not being able to return home. And now it's just another, as horrible as it is to say, but it's just another school shooting. And it's like it's so human for us to be in our own situations and have to find ways to adapt and learn and grow and thrive in order to survive. And it just sounds like you've been uniquely gifted, maybe in order to make that switch and also even more so to be able to find the lines where you can turn it on and off. So then.
So, no, I actually don't find. To answer a question. I don't find that weird at all. I find it pretty normal.
All to say, though, what I find kind of contradictory about that is you talk about the desensitization that you need in your job, total sense, and you talk about coming back home and throwing that, putting the baggage outside. Total sense. But now you're in your new phase of life when you're in retirement, and you said it before, where you open yourself up to vulnerability, having people look at your work, whether it be your book, whether it be your documentary, and yeah, getting anxious about it, but you were willingly opening yourself up in a vulnerable way that I would think after you've desensitized yourself so much, you wouldn't be able to. So how do you do that?
[00:21:41] Speaker B: I don't.
I think it's because I.
Maybe I'm myopic sometimes. And in the way that I say this has to be done, then I got to do it. Right. The yard has to be cut Saturday and I got to make my. I just got to go do it. I have to go work a double shift. It's a long, that's 16, 18 hours on the border. And you're going to be filthy, dirty and exhausted and maybe beat up. Maybe you're going to go to the hospital because you're going to fall down a hill or a cliff. I got to do it. So when I made that decision to write my first book, and that was a little a year ago, and then to do the documentary, I felt like I had to do it. So it became almost like, it's going to happen. So let's just be a big boy and let's get it done. And maybe one of the driving, I'll be very honest, one of the driving forces outside of my personal desires to have a voice and be heard.
A very big. Now I'm a father. I just have one son. His name's Joseph. He's 13 years old. And he is just the greatest little monkey you've ever seen in your life. He's just like, the greatest dude. I. I give. I kissed him. I think I've kissed him minimum, a million and a half times in his life, of course. And now I'm getting the shoulder.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: Elbow. Dad. Dad. And I'm like, what? I'm gonna kiss you. You know, that's it. So I'm. But I'm getting that, right? I'm getting that. And I. We used to lay in bed and read books and. And he told me last night, you know, daddy, maybe it's time for you to going upstairs.
Are you kidding me? You used to beg me to sit here and read you llama, llama, nighty night.
[00:23:33] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:23:34] Speaker B: Right? So now it's, get out, dad. You're out. So.
But he's become a big part in the way. He has no idea, but I want him to be proud of me. And I believe that we live in a.
And a lot of this is just the way my perspective is. Okay from my lens, but I see that we live in a. In a nation, in a world, but particularly in America, that is morally off center. And I have an obligation to. And everyone has an obligation to do something to change it. If you think it's right, I mean, you and I could have political, philosophical differences, but if I feel a calling, I need to do it and not be afraid of being vulnerable, being embarrassed. So my son will see, hey.
Because my son is going to face these same things that I face, maybe in a different situation, but he's going to face these, where he's going to go. I have a reference point. My father did things that no one said he should do, and he did it. And he was afraid. He was at times nervous, but he did it. So I can do it. I can do it. So that is one of my driving forces. And why I do it is because I think a lot of men feel that way about their children. They want them to see them in a certain light. And so that is something that drives me to get out of bed and do interviews and expose myself and expose my knowledge or lack thereof.
So, yeah, that's what I do.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: That's so sweet. I can just, I can. I can literally picture him being like a dad. You know, it's kind of late.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: It's your bedtime time to go, get out.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: So then, and it's also just because you were just talking about, like, just your human condition in the sense that you've had to desensitize yourself yet in the field. So it's just, it strikes me that someone who had to do that can come home to their kid and, like, want to read them bedtime stories like, that difference in the same person. It's just so remarkable. So then, for me, for. My question for you is, so then, how have you defined success for yourself personally then? Because I feel like you have these different worlds kind of colliding. So.
[00:26:01] Speaker B: No, that's a great point, because in law enforcement, I had my day started at an exact time. So I had a 06:00 a.m. muster or a midnight muster. It wasn't 1201 or 06:03 it was your 15 minutes early. Get your duty belt on, get there. Especially if you're in charge, you have to conduct the muster. There were measurables that I could quantify and say, look, I'm doing great. My arrest numbers, this, and I could check the boxes and go, okay, I can measure my success.
This has been really difficult, okay, because I don't have to be anywhere, right? I have no one saying, hey, you got to write a book. You got to start at six in the morning, and you got to get three chapters done. But that's how my brain's working, and I'm not. My day, my eight hour day, which is not 8 hours, it's like all over. It's in the morning, it's at night, it's not sleeping. Um, and it was very hard for me at first to quantify and qualify what I've done. I. I had no idea. I'm like, I'm not even doing anything. And someone told me, and it was very smart, said, sit down and do a to do list, and or at the end of the day, go through and write down what you did. And then when you see that, you're like, holy cow. I did a lot, but in my way, my brain was wired for two and a half decades. It was not wired for this. And it was very good because my wife is an entrepreneur. She was an actress, but an entrepreneur and things like that. So she's never had a true nine to five and I've always had a true, even though it was a true nine to five, it was you showing up this many days a week. So I'm having to almost rewire my brain to what is success, right. And even then, that's difficult. So, for example, I think my book has been successful. It's been on Amazon's best seller list multiple times.
It didn't sell the number that I wanted, but it's still successful. And I have to wrap my brain around, hey, you're a first time author.
That's an incredible accomplishment that you actually sat down and wrote it and then had someone publish it and blah, blah, blah, that's a success, maybe not the way that you would like it to be.
And then, so what is my success now in having two documentaries?
Is it how many they sell?
What's the reach? What's the impact? Or is it simply, I accomplished something that I wanted to accomplish and that is success in itself, right. So I just have to define that more clearly for myself. And then I, and no one's a harsher critic, more harsh of a critic of me than me. So anybody that says anything, it really doesn't sting because I've already thought it and done it. So that is a big thing. And I don't know if the world as you come from or the people that you know, but it is a very different world to go from a world of extreme structure to no structure. And at first, you're like, trying to bang up against the invisible guardrails, right? And there are no guardrails. And you're like, holy smokes. But, you know, I'm very, I played sports and college football and all that. So time management was a good skill of mine, and accountability is a big, big part of my life. So I was able to structure some type of structure, a new structure, I would say. But it's completely different than my old world. Completely different.
[00:29:51] Speaker A: I can only imagine. I mean, yeah, it's funny. I'm also in, like. So I'm in between jobs myself. So I went from working a nine to five, sometimes more, in, like, pharma, and now I'm taking a little break. And so it's like, ooh, like, what does my day look like? What do I want to do? Like, redefining these different things for myself to not, instead of just sleeping all.
[00:30:15] Speaker B: Day, you know, then you feel guilty and you can't sleep. And you, how do you, like, how do you define success? Like, how do you now that if you don't, you're not going into work and writing reports and cells and all that. How do you define it to you?
[00:30:31] Speaker A: So, for me, it's so funny you say that because, or ask that because I was actually at. So a friend of mine was having a housewarming party, like, last weekend, and I was talking to somebody about this definition of success. For me, before I was talking to them, it was just about, as you were saying, like, being able to say that I've accomplished and achieved the things that I wanted to do. So, for instance, a big thing I wanted to do this year was act, like, audition for things. And I'm doing that, and it's good. Awesome. Like, to sing in shows. I'm doing it. And, like, facing my fears. Amazing. And then one thing that he added in his version of success is, yes, do those things. And I have to have had fun and, like, making that a requirement change is the game because it's like, it's not just about the thing, because then the thing becomes, there's so many other things attached to the thing. It has to be this or sell this or be this good, and I have to have fun. So it's like, that's how I'm redefining success for myself.
[00:31:30] Speaker B: I think that's great. I might take some into that because the fun, and I was thinking about the same thing that you're saying about the fun.
It's just so much work to create.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: That you do lose the fun. Right. And I don't know. The journey. Is the journey the fun part or is the success the fun part? I played football, and the winning was great, but looking back, you know, years later, it was the journey. That was the fun part. Everyone says the game's fun. That's just a. That's just. That tells you if you've been successful or not over the last week or.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: Or the season. It was the journey, you know? And it's. It's hard sometimes to stop and enjoy the journey, especially when you're. You're drowning in the journey, right?
[00:32:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: You're trying to figure it out. It does. It's not fun. Right. It's not fun at all. But I don't think anything that is really worth achieving doesn't have a struggle. There's just on some. Whatever level that is, financial, spiritual exhaustion, physical.
Everything has a cost. That's what I teach my son, is, look, there's nothing for free. Son, on some level, you're paying a price in your. In your well being, finances, your talent, your time, whatever it is, nothing is free. So.
But it is. I. There needs to be some more joy in the world, and maybe that is where I can help by just being more joyful. And I do find that I saw something. You know how you have the reels on Facebook or Instagram, and it's the algorithm starts right, right? So I started looking at my algorithm. Algorithm was just a bunch of garbage. And I was like, why don't have all this garbage in here, right? So when I was like, oh, it's the algorithm, you idiot. You clicked on something, and now you got ten or the other. So I went in and I saw Billy Graham.
Billy Graham and his son, Franklin Graham, the great preacher, and had one of his reels. So I clicked on it, clicked on it. And now all I get is that type of stuff is a five or ten minute sermon cut out from one of his hour long sermons and other people like that, and just goes in. What you were saying about being happy is a lot of what those men are saying, and they've been proven to be godly men and live godly lives, not charlatans. And they were saying that you can't complain.
When you complain, you're speaking to God and saying, you've screwed up.
This is not the way life should be. Life should be this way. And God's saying, no, I created everything. This is how life is supposed to be. And so it was interesting when I heard that, because sometimes when you get in this world, like, you're in between jobs and you're doing your podcasts and you're doing acting, there's a tendency to complain about it.
But you would have killed.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:34:38] Speaker B: I'm just guessing. Surmise is six months ago to killed to have freedom to go act and stuff. So I fight that to say when I'm really tired, I'm like, I just. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I think, don't you complain. Let's be thankful. And so, for as far as happiness, for me, being thankful and appreciative plays a big role. But being happy is. That's hard sometimes in today's world.
[00:35:05] Speaker A: It is. It is. Especially with, like, as you were saying before, like, social media and just the state of the world. There's so much going on. It's like, ah, you know, I feel like we're always wanting more. Like, I think that's just, like, a human impulse to just want. And it's funny you bring up, like, social media. I was also on instagram this morning, and so I am parents are immigrants. I am a Nigerian by culture.
But one of the tribes in Nigeria called the Yoruba tribe. So there is a yoruba proverb that popped up on my page, and he was essentially saying that. And I'm paraphrasing here, but do you really like, if you love flowers, you have to also love the things that come with flowers. So, for instance, you have to love watering the flowers. You have to love the soy. You have to love planting it. You have to love everything about the flowers. Otherwise you just like it. And so then he was equating it to, like, your personal self. Like, do you like yourself or do you love yourself? Do you love yourself in the sense that you want to, like, grow yourself and do things that nourish you? And same thing. I can even just, like, extrapolate that to mean anything, you know, part of the journey. Like, how much do you really love the thing you want to do? Because then you have to love part of the journey. You have to find enjoyment in it. So I just. It just.
[00:36:27] Speaker B: No, I think that's. That's brilliant. Yeah. And I think that. Yeah, I think you do have to love what you do. I found if I don't love something or feel a passion to it, I will do my. I'll try to do my best, but it's going to be above average at best. At best. But if I love it, even if I fail, it's still going to be good. Does that make sense? Because I'm just going. I'm doing it. I love it. I want to try.
Because being successful in measurements sometimes is not really the success.
You don't know.
Let's say for an actor, perfect example, you go and you do ten auditions and you think, God dang, I suck, right? But the second one that you did three months ago that you don't even remember, some director saw it and filed you away in his head. And now six months later, he has a new script and he's like, that girl would be per. That woman. Excuse me. That woman would be perfect for this, right?
Let me call her up. Literally. That's how it works in life, too. Like, maybe my documentary doesn't do great.
Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. And maybe somebody sees it and says, that guy is going to do my documentary that I want, and then that explodes. I don't know.
You just. But that's the beauty of life. And that is also what you want to strangle life, right? Because you're like, can it be easier than this? Why do I have to go through this, this gauntlet of pain and agony. But you do because you have to. That's the, it's rare that somebody goes through, I don't even think anyone does that, goes through life. And it's just, you know, boom, everything's snapping perfectly for them. I don't believe that happens.
Social media would make you believe that that is real, but, yeah. So you just don't know. And I think maybe that's the, maybe that's the biggest thing in life, is if you stop, you are going to lose. But if you just say, I'm going to grind, I'm going to do what I have to do, and I believe something good is going to happen. And nine times out of ten it does. Yeah.
It's just maybe, maybe you can't even visualize it. It's like I tell my son, I said, son, whatever you, I said, there's going to be businesses and there's going to be things that are going to be created that we don't even have the capacity to understand right now. By the time you're my age, I can't even imagine what your world is going to be like and what you may be doing. So have an open mind and be, you know, because I'm very structured and I fight that because I'm like, I want structure for my son, but I want, I don't want him to be like me. I want him to be very different in a way. And my son's adopted. We adopt him at birth, and he's like the greatest thing in the world.
And he has some characteristics of mine, but I see that there are some things in him that are just DNA wise that are not like me at all. And I find very refreshing because he can do anything. He can be anything because we live in the greatest country in the world. He can do anything he wants only with hard work, determination, and faith in God. I believe he can do anything he wants.
So, yeah, so it is, it's, it's. And you're in your business that you're trying to get into in singing and acting.
[00:40:08] Speaker A: I know.
[00:40:09] Speaker B: You have to have some thick skin there, ma'am. Some very thick skin.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: No, I know. Oh, my goodness. It's, it's a roller coaster, but it's, it's fun. One thing that came to mind when you were saying that. So I don't know if you've heard of Steve Harvey, the comedian.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Love him.
[00:40:25] Speaker A: I love him, too. But I'm like, for instance, my dad hates him. Couldn't tell you why. I know, we all have our different opinions of him, but, like, every now and then, he also does, like, motivational speaking on the side.
[00:40:36] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: Records a lot of those videos on YouTube. And so I remember, like, just graduating college and that was a big shift for me, too. Just like, so I got a doctorate in pharmacy. So the regimentation of school in general for six years to get that doctorate, and then nothing, it's a shift. And so I remember just, like, sitting on my bedroom, sitting in my bedroom, like, watching this one video, and he was basically like, and I still have these dreams of being an actress, of singing and doing all of that, but he was like, look around you. Everything that exists right now at one point in time was someone's idea, was a thought. And when I really think about that, it's just so inspiring, because it's like, right, this house, me, this, like, light fixture, everything was a thought. Someone one day was like, you know what? Instead of straws separating different rooms, let's use wood. Let's make a door.
[00:41:28] Speaker B: What?
[00:41:28] Speaker A: You know, so it's just super inspiring to think that any who, I don't know why, but when you were talking that just, that came up.
[00:41:38] Speaker B: I think it's great. And I listened to some of his stuff that he. That he does, and he's right. It's about literally just waking up and saying, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to give it a shot. And the thing, what you're doing and the things that I've done and things that people like athletes or start a business, the one thing that I remind myself and I tell my son all the time, don't listen to people about their opinions.
Their opinions are generated from years and years of their life. To see you through their lens and don't let them conform you to what they think is possible.
That's your job.
And if somebody says, oh, you stink at acting and you can't sing, that's subjective. I think I'm good. Do I need to get better? Yes. Do I need to be a better filmmaker? Do I need to have interviews more crisp and more articulate? Yes, yes, yes. But I know that I have some talent. I don't know if is it low or high, but I have some, and I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm not going to let someone else tell me and restrict my growth as a human and as a professional, whatever that profession is. And I think that's what I think that we need to remember. That is people's opinions are just their opinions.
And if you don't really know that person and you don't really respect them, who cares? Who cares?
[00:43:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: Right? It's really. And it's hard, right? It's hard when you go and you don't get the job. Like, my wife was an actress, and she had some great shows on tv, but it's a job.
It's a craft. And you gotta grind and you gotta. But you gotta. I tell people, think about those actors and actresses. 99% of all actors are unemployed. 99%. That means 1%. So if you're an accountant and you go to work there, just think if it was reversed, 99% of you accountants don't work. Holy smokes. You'd be freaking out, right? Every day, do I have a job? Do I get paid? What's going on? So I applaud. You keep going. Keep doing it. Because you know what? When you're older and you can't do it, you don't want to say, I should have. I should have tried because I'm older. I'm obviously older than you. There are, like I said, I have some regrets and there's some embarrassments, but I'm not embarrassed or regretful that I didn't try.
I'm not embarrassed of my failures, to be honest with you, because I know a lot of people wouldn't even try to do what I did right. And have the courage to do it. So I already, and, you know, we talked about, it's funny how we come full circle, talk about success just by trying. I was successful while you didn't even try. And at least I know I made it, or I didn't. But I'll never wonder, should I try? You will go down to your deathbed wondering, should I try to do that? Not me. I can even say, yeah, I tried. I sucked and I lost. Right? Yeah, I could say I tried, right? There's some power in that.
[00:44:52] Speaker A: Yeah. That is so refreshing. Oh, my gosh. Because, I mean, I can think of a couple times where people have told me not to do what I do. And it's fun. It's fun looking back.
[00:45:09] Speaker B: But.
[00:45:09] Speaker A: So I guess on the topic of that, if you don't mind sharing, is there one opinion from someone that just for some reason is stuck in your head? Good or bad?
[00:45:21] Speaker B: You know, maybe it's a compilation of things in my life that my father was a hero of mine, and my father was a very strong man.
He was a secret Service agent and was a presidential detail from LBJ to I want to say the second bush? And they guarded the. I'm Catholic, and Pope John Paul II has been canonized as a saint. And he guarded. He was in charge. Dangerous guard. He was in charge of Pope John Paul. His visit to United States, America in the eighties. My father was the guy, right? So we just saw President Trump almost be assassinated. So, you know, the enormity of that type of work. And my father had six kids, had a wife that had six kids, so she was not always on par, right? Because six kids and coming home to that.
And my father was just like the greatest man. And my dad was. I'm six'three, about 220. My father is giant. He's like six'four, 275 pounds, like a. And he was a Native American, so he had jet black hair, but everyone thought he was italian because he looked like a hitman. He just did. Straight out of the Sopranos. That's what he looked like. Just huge. And.
And everyone was afraid of it. Everyone. All my friends, their parents. And my father was, like the nicest and kindest man you'd ever meet. Kiss me a million times, tell me he loves me. So if I had to take my life and say who had the best impact or had said the most powerful words, and I don't even know what those words are, I think it was a compilation of my whole life of my father, is that he was always, you can do this. You can be successful. You got to try. Let's go play football, play quarterback. So it's very subjective. You're either I love you or I hate you.
[00:47:17] Speaker A: Right?
[00:47:17] Speaker B: And we went through that, and he was just. He's what I kind of try to model myself after. My father was very even killed, and I need to be more even killed, but more so is that I just. The greatest achievement that I can ever have is to be a great dad. I don't know if I'm going to hit the great dad, but I am definitely going to try with all of my power and might to be a great dad.
So in a long way, there are no real words that stick out to me that someone said. It was just maybe my father's actions where other parents, other fathers, I think, would have not been as great as him. He went to all my games. He has six kids. He went to all my brothers and sisters games, all of them. My mom did the same. We had a house that was safe and warm and kind. Did we have the nicest clothes? No, because we had six kids. Do we have the nicest cars, nicest house? No. But we had the greatest family, and we had.
I never. I had friends. You won't believe this. I had friends on college. I just went to a small college, but it'd still be 510, 15,000 people a game Saturday.
It's amazing. 30 minutes away, and their parents wouldn't come watch them play. My father was driving. My mom and dad would drive 6 hours one way on the hope that I would get on the field when I was a backup. Just hope that I would be there. So that plays a huge part in how I try to be. I don't think I'll be, like, as good as my father. My brother. My brother is. My younger brother. Clay is more like my father in terms of being the best dad and everything like. So those two men are very profound in my life, in what I try to accomplish. I don't care about being a gazillionaire. I would love to be one, but that's not something I strive for or more famous. Orlando. But I want. I really desire for my wife and my son to respect me and to love me and to feel as if I have not only done what I'm supposed to, but gone well above and beyond.
[00:49:36] Speaker A: So, yeah, I thank you for sharing that. That moves me and touches me in a lot of different ways. I gotta say, though, because you even care enough to have that as a goal, puts you above and beyond so many times, so many people. So I.
On behalf of Lil Joseph, I've got to say thank you. He's got a really.
He's got a really good time.
[00:50:04] Speaker B: No, thank you.
[00:50:06] Speaker A: Last question, and.
And I will let you go. Um. This has been amazing, though. I've loved talking with you, and I always like to end it with this. If you were to go back in time to the beginning, the beginning of your journey, when you first thought border patrol could be for you, or even before that first football game, wherever. Wherever you think the beginning for you was, what would you tell yourself?
[00:50:30] Speaker B: I would tell myself to be more bold.
[00:50:32] Speaker A: Really?
[00:50:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Be more bold. Do not hesitate in the fear of rejection or having older people in positions of authority or power to tell you how your life's going to be.
I was bold, and there were times where I bucked the system to my detriment, but I would be more bold.
I would demand more of myself, and I would have. At the same time, I would not be so myopic in my pursuits. I think I would ask myself to broaden my scope of probability and areas of success so I would be more bold. Absolutely.
[00:51:18] Speaker A: Thank you for that. Thank you for this. This has been amazing.
[00:51:22] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. It's been refreshing not to have to talk about all that hard stuff and talk about this has been like a therapeutic session. So thank you very much.
[00:51:30] Speaker A: Oh, that's an honor. Thank you.
[00:51:34] Speaker B: Anytime. Very nice to meet.
